Ep 14: Circling the Block, Consensual Non-Consent, and New Relationship Energy with Jo Del Carmen

Timestamps:

1. Circling the Block — Welcome Back, Jo — 0:00

2. 329 Streams and Trauma Makes Us Funny — 2:11

3. Life Check-In — Wendy's Back with Jessica — 7:14

4. Accountability, the Notebook, and Couples Therapy — 19:07

5. Jo's Update — The End of a Situationship — 34:36

6. New Relationship Energy, Explained — approx. 38:15 (verify exact second — falls mid-paragraph in transcript)

7. Valve Release — Consensual Non-Consent and BDSM — 40:41

8. Bo, Squeezy, and Navigating New Relationship Energy — 51:35

9. Neurospicy Brains and Bedroom Compatibility — 1:00:10

10. Breakups & Buddies — Can Straight Men and Queer Women Be Friends — 1:03:58

11. Boob Chats, Discord, and Setting the Line — 1:14:09

12. Wendy's Officially Off the Market — 1:17:11

13. Tongue First — S'mores and the Bougie Tongue — 1:18:37

14. A Never-Before-Heard Reading from Jo — 1:20:36

Circling the Block, Consensual Non-Consent, and New Relationship Energy with Jo Del Carmen

Some guests you have on once. Jo Del Carmen you have on again, because the community demanded it and honestly, so did we.

Jo holds the title of most listened to episode in Tongue First history, and they came back with more to say — about relationships, about identity, about the space between what you're taught and what you actually want.

Circling the Block

The episode opens with Wendy's update, and it's a big one: she's back together with her ex-fiancée Jessica. Wendy is honest about the complexity of it — the trauma, the friends who are cautiously supportive, the friends who aren't, and the fact that grace isn't the same thing as forgetting.

What follows is one of the most direct conversations the show has had about accountability. Wendy handed Jessica a notebook and asked her to write down, in her own words, why she wants to be in this relationship and what she's going to do differently. It's not romantic in the traditional sense. It's something better — it's honest.

Jo's Update

Jo brings their own season of change. A poly situationship that ran its course and ended. A recent autism diagnosis that reframed how they think about boundaries, needs, and what actually feels good versus what they thought they were supposed to want. And a real, detailed conversation about new relationship energy — what it is, why it feels so good, and why it isn't the whole story.

Jo also opens up about something newer: a growing understanding of themselves as someone who experiences desire through control, vulnerability, and consensual non-consent. It's a thoughtful, unflinching conversation about kink, safety, and the difference between losing control and choosing to give it up.

The Valve Release

One of the most quotable moments of the episode is Jo's concept of a valve release — someone in your life whose sole job is to be the pressure valve for everything else. Not a partner in the traditional sense. Not part of the day to day. Just an intentional, consensual space to let go completely.

It sparks a genuinely moving moment when Siren opens up about her own version of release — the exhale of being told exactly what to do so she doesn't have to be responsible for one more thing.

Bo, Squeezy, and New Relationship Energy

Siren gives an honest update on her current dynamic with Bo and Squeezy — including the very real, very human tension of a new relationship feeling easier than a longer one. Jo offers some perspective as someone who has read deeply into ethical non-monogamy, and the three of them work through what starts as friction into something more like understanding.

Breakups & Buddies

Later in the episode, they finally get to the four B's Jo sent over ahead of time — breakups, baddies, buddies, and binaries. The buddies conversation is a standout: can queer women and straight men really just be friends? Jo has two very close male friends and a theory about why it works. Wendy has a fifteen year friendship that didn't survive her coming out. Siren has her own complicated history of being one of the guys right up until she wasn't.

The Rest of It

Because it is still Tongue First: neurospicy brains and bedroom compatibility, a boob chat boundary breach, Wendy being officially off the market, and Jo reading a brand new, never before heard excerpt from their next story that left all three of them needing a moment.

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Tongue First is a sapphic and queer podcast hosted by Aubrey "Siren" Jones and Wendy Reeves. New episodes every Monday. Find us at tonguefirstpodcast.com and support the show on Patreon at Tongue First: After Hours.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

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