Ep 12: AOL Searches, Shadow Work, and Emotional Support Chopsticks with Daisy Barton
Timestamps:
1. Welcome to Episode Twelve and Meet Daisy — 0:00
2. Emotional Support Chopsticks and Eating Slower — 2:00
3. Uber Driving, Concert Filmography, and a Busy Life — 4:45
4. Transitioning as the Reason She Left the House — 6:00
5. Xanax, World of Warcraft, and Disappearing Into Routine — 7:23
6. Bonnaroo, Music Community, and Hitting Send on Facebook — 8:25
7. Knowing Since Age Five and "God Made You a Boy" — 11:34
8. Sister's Dresses, Getting Caught, and AOL in the 90s — 13:10
9. Inpatient at Sixteen and the Cover Story — 28:53
10. Purge Cycles and "Nobody Will Ever Love You" — 32:18
11. Finding Community, the Name Daisy, and CPTSD — 34:23
12. Bad Therapists — "Just Be a Man and Stop Crying" — 39:33
13. Twiddle, COVID Friendships, and Coming Back to Life — 43:06
14. Curly Girl Method, Makeup, and Learning Out Loud — 56:04
15. Trolls, Growth, and the Dry Wit Everyone Loves — 59:14
16. Dating After Transition — Ghosted and Flaked On — 1:17:11
17. Poly Preferences and What Daisy Wants — 1:24:09
18. Tongue First — The Last Question — 1:25:38
AOL Searches, Shadow Work, and Emotional Support Chopsticks with Daisy Barton
Some stories don't move in a straight line. Daisy Barton's is one of them — and that's exactly what makes it worth hearing.
Daisy is a trans woman, TikTok creator, and full time Uber driver based in Kansas City. She knew she was a girl at five years old. It took her until she was thirty-eight to hit send on a Facebook post that changed everything.
Knowing Before She Had the Words
Daisy grew up in a conservative Christian household where the response to any hint of who she was got shut down fast: God made you a boy, end of discussion. Her older sister let her wear hand-me-down dresses in secret — a small window of freedom that closed the second their mom's car pulled into the driveway.
By sixth grade, on early AOL, Daisy searched for the first time and found something she didn't know existed: other people like her. It was 1996. The internet was where she first learned she wasn't alone — and, unfortunately, also where she encountered some of the people who would try to take advantage of that vulnerability.
The Hard Years
This episode doesn't skip the hard parts, and that's part of what makes it matter. Daisy talks openly about being placed in an inpatient psychiatric facility as a teenager, about her parents instructing her to tell people she'd gone to a family funeral instead. About purge cycles — throwing every piece of clothing away, sometimes driving to a different parking lot so she couldn't dig it back out of her own trash can. About a girlfriend in her twenties who told her, while drunk, that no one else would ever love her.
She also talks about the therapists who failed her. One froze during her first session and didn't know how to respond. Another, who advertised herself as LGBTQ friendly, told Daisy during a breakdown to "just be a man" and stop crying.
Finding Her People
In 2018, Daisy found a local trans community through a coffee group at a gay bar — she sat in her car the first time and couldn't make herself go in. The second time, she did. That community gave her a Discord server, a group of people who got tired of typing "lackadaisylady," and the name she's used ever since: Daisy.
It was there, during a Christmas sleepover, that she trauma dumped on a friend who happened to be a therapist — and first heard the term CPTSD. That single conversation sent her down a research rabbit hole that led to Pete Walker's book on complex trauma, the concept of shadow work, and the self-soothing tools she still uses today when an old emotional flashback creeps back in.
Building a Life Out Loud
At 38, Daisy posted on Facebook that she was a trans woman, closed her laptop, and went to sleep without letting herself think about what might happen. She woke up to an outpouring of support.
What followed was slow and hard-won: hormone therapy started and stopped and started again, a curly hair routine learned one wash day at a time, makeup skills built live on TikTok with total strangers coaching her through the comments. She built a moderator team that now blocks trolls before she even sees them. She built confidence one troll, one kind stranger, one great video at a time.
Dating, Chopsticks, and the Rest of It
Because it's still Tongue First, there's plenty of joy and chaos too: the hand embroidered scarf with its own chopstick pocket, the curly girl method, a truly unhinged dating story involving a man who ghosted her the second he realized she was trans, and Daisy's very clear thoughts on what she wants out of future relationships — poly with a man, monogamous with the right woman, no shame either way.
Daisy's story is proof that healing doesn't move in a straight line, and neither does becoming yourself. Both are still worth every bit of the work.
Find Daisy on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube under Lackadaisylady (concert recordings appear as DaisyBee on YouTube).
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Tongue First is a sapphic and queer podcast hosted by Aubrey "Siren" Jones and Wendy Reeves. New episodes every Monday. Find us at tonguefirstpodcast.com and support the show on Patreon at Tongue First: After Hours.
Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981
Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.
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