Ep 10: Gay Pancakes, Husbands, and Thirty Nine Raccoons with Adam & Topher

Timestamps:

1. The Party Tit Rides Again — Welcome to Episode Ten — 0:00

2. Meet Adam & Topher — Coffee, Blends, and Besties — 1:32

3. Topher's Story — Coming Out Twice and the Parade — 7:25

4. Adam's Story — Ministry, the Karaoke Bar, and the Shirt — 14:18

5. Diving Into Scripture and Coming Out at Twenty Nine — 22:53

6. Grindr, the Cookout, and Becoming Husbands — 29:13

7. Nonbinary, Pronouns, and Whatever Comes Out — 32:42

8. "I'm Disappointed in You" — Parents and the Question That Mattered — 37:26

9. The Lie That Almost Cost Everything — 50:14

10. What Queerness Means to Them — 59:54

11. Gaming, Elden Ring, and Time with Topher — 1:06:36

12. The Raccoon Committee and aDam Good Coffee — 1:11:42

13. Tongue First — The Last Question — 1:19:55

Gay Pancakes, Husbands, and Thirty Nine Raccoons with Adam & Topher

Some couples make you believe in the whole thing again. Adam and Topher are one of those couples.

Adam is the roaster behind aDam Good Coffee — the TikTok coffee brand with attitude, custom Siren and Wendy blends, and bags that make you smile before you've even brewed anything. Topher is an artist and gamer whose page, Time with Topher, is exactly as sweet as it sounds. They're married, they're joyful, and every night their backyard hosts a dinner party for a committee of wild raccoons. The record is thirty nine at once.

But the joy they've built stands on two coming out stories that were anything but easy.

Topher's Story — Coming Out Twice

Topher knew early. Their older brother came out first, and instead of making things easier, it made everything harder — Topher watched the judgment their brother faced and learned exactly what was waiting for them. When they first tried coming out, their dad told them they were only gay because their brother was, and pushed them right back into the closet for two more years.

The second time, it was their mom. It took Topher thirty minutes to get the words out. Her response: "Okay." And then, when Topher seemed underwhelmed by the lack of ceremony — "What did you want, a parade?"

Kind of, mom. Kind of.

Adam's Story — The Karaoke Bar and the Shirt

Adam spent sixteen years in ministry. Youth work, worship pastor, something at the church every single day of the week. Dating wasn't even a question — from twenty to twenty-nine, he didn't go on a single date. He was busy. He was faithful. He was, by his own account, exactly who he was supposed to be.

Then a job at a wilderness therapy camp in North Carolina, a search for a karaoke bar on a night off, and a wrong turn into the right place: a gay bar in Raleigh where nobody knew him and everybody welcomed him. He kept going back because it was the first place that felt safe. One night he complimented a stranger's Family Force Five t-shirt — a Christian band, in a gay bar, which broke his brain a little — and the stranger's friend walked up behind him.

Adam's brain said: "Whoa. He's hot." And then Adam panicked, walked away, and nearly fled the building. On his way out, the guy handed him his number.

Adam kept that number for weeks without using it. He dove into scripture looking for something — permission, an answer, a way out, he still isn't sure. What he found instead was himself. And when he stepped down from the camp, he finally made the call. That man became his first boyfriend.

The Lie

Partway through this episode, Adam tells a story he's told very few times — about returning to his home church after coming out, and discovering that a lie had been spread about him. A vile one. The kind designed to destroy a person.

We're not going to summarize it here. It deserves to be heard in his own words, including where the lie came from and what happened when he confronted it. It's one of the heaviest and most important stories the show has ever held, and Adam tells it with a grace that will stay with you.

Grindr, the Cookout, and the Word Husband

Adam and Topher met on Grindr in July 2021 — as most gay people do nowadays, per Topher. A few dates in, Adam invited Topher to his family's Memorial Day cookout. Topher asked the question: "What would I be?" Adam answered: "I'd like to introduce you as my boyfriend."

Five years later, they're husbands. And Topher is very specific about that word. Partner is fine for some people — but Topher wants you to know they're gay. Husband, thank you very much.

The episode also gets into Topher being nonbinary in the most low-pressure way possible: they use whatever pronouns come out, they dress how they feel, and if you really want to know, they'll tell you. Working at a call center, they'd get called ma'am and answer "Yes, sir." It's not a crisis. It's just Tuesday.

The Raccoon Committee

Three years ago, Adam and Topher had a housewarming party. Adam's dad brought a pecan pie nobody ate. Rather than throw it away, they set it out on the deck.

An opossum and three raccoons showed up. One of them was Rhonda.

Today, the backyard hosts up to thirty nine raccoons a night — all named, all fed, all beloved. Rocket. Derek Monroe. Caramel Macchiato. Pumpkin, who is kind of a bitch. Thelma and Louise. Rhonda, the most trusting, who drops her babies off with Adam while she eats. Wendy brings her whole TikTok chat over to Adam's lives just to watch them eat peanut butter off a spatula.

This episode of the podcast goes out to Rhonda.

aDam Good Coffee

Adam's coffee brand is exactly what the internet should be: genuinely good products with genuinely unhinged branding. Blonde and Perky, a vanilla light roast featuring a big-boobed blonde cartoon bimbo. Basic Bitch, a caramel macchiato that makes fun of all the stereotypes. A pumpkin spice latte blend that's White Girl Tested and Approved. And yes — Siren's and Wendy's custom blends are real and available.

As Adam puts it: the coffee brings you joy, but you can smile before you even make the cup. That's the whole philosophy. That's the whole brand. That's kind of the whole episode.

Find Adam on TikTok at @adamgoodcoffee and Topher at @timewithtopher.

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Tongue First is a sapphic and queer podcast hosted by Aubrey "Siren" Jones and Wendy Reeves. New episodes every Monday. Find us at tonguefirstpodcast.com and support the show on Patreon at Tongue First: After Hours.

Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981

Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.

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