Episode 17: Married on a Tuesday, Marriage Equality, and the Fight That Isn't Over
Timestamps:
1. Welcome to Episode Seventeen (For Real This Time) — 0:00
2. Siren's Update — Vacation and a Hard Day — 1:23
3. Wendy Got Married. On a Tuesday. — 3:07
4. The Courthouse, the Surprise Photographer, and Who Knew — 10:47
5. Choosing Peace Over Family Reactions — 15:18
6. What Made This Time Feel Right — 19:54
7. Accountability — The Notebook, Brian, and No Defensiveness — 21:36
8. Most Scared Of, Most Sure Of — 25:14
9. A Word From Bo-Dara — TBD
10. Baker v. Nelson — The First Attempt — 30:01
11. DOMA and Edith Windsor's Tax Bill — 34:57
12. Massachusetts and the First Legal Marriage — 39:17
13. Ireland's Popular Vote and the Church Wars — 42:37
14. Obergefell v. Hodges — Ten Years Ago — 47:33
15. Squeezy's Story — Philadelphia, 2015 — 54:49
16. What's the Next Fight — 58:24
17. Content Warning — Autumn Hill's Story — TBD
18. Autumn Hill — Fifty Years for a Protest — 1:01:32
19. Go Vote — 1:01:09
20. Tongue First — Pazookies and White People Tacos — 1:10:22
Married on a Tuesday, Marriage Equality, and the Fight That Isn't Over
Wendy has news, and it's the kind that doesn't wait for a special occasion to happen. She and Jess got married. On a Tuesday. Less than 72 hours before this episode was recorded.
A Month and a Half, and Then a Wedding
If you've been listening to this show for a while, you know the history here — Wendy and Jess, on and off for years, real heartbreak, real distance, and a reconciliation that started back in Episode 14. This time, Wendy says, feels different. Not because the timeline is fast — though it is — but because of what's showing up underneath it: real accountability, real reassurance, and a partner who responds to Wendy's triggers with openness instead of defensiveness.
Wendy talks candidly about what she's most afraid of — not being left again, but becoming a version of herself that lets someone treat her as replaceable. And what she's most sure of: the friendship, the laughter, and a relationship that still feels light even after everything both of them have carried into it.
Not everyone in her life is fully on board yet, and Wendy doesn't pretend otherwise. But she's clear about one thing: she's not interested in choosing a version of peace that requires shrinking herself.
The History Nobody Taught Us
From there, the episode pivots into something the show hasn't done quite like this before — an actual history lesson. Siren walks Wendy (and listeners) through four key moments in the fight for marriage equality in the United States: Baker v. Nelson in 1971, the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996, Massachusetts becoming the first state to legalize same-sex marriage in 2003, and Obergefell v. Hodges in 2015 — the ruling that made marriages like Wendy's legally possible nationwide, just ten years ago.
Along the way, they talk about Edith Windsor, the woman whose $363,000 estate tax bill after her wife's death became the case that gutted DOMA. They talk about Ireland legalizing marriage equality by national popular vote. And they sit with an uncomfortable truth: this is well within living memory. Wendy got married the year it became legal everywhere. Ten years is not very long ago at all.
Then and Now
Siren and Squeezy both share where they were the day Obergefell was decided — a joyful, rainbow-crosswalk night out in Philadelphia for one, a heated conversation that ended with walking out of an Olive Garden for the other. The contrast says something true about how differently this moment landed depending on where you were standing.
What the Next Fight Looks Like
The conversation doesn't stay comfortably in the past. Wendy reads the story of Autumn Hill, a trans activist recently sentenced to 50 years in federal prison following a 2025 protest — an FBI raid, a wrongful association with a shooting she wasn't involved in, and a sentence that reflects exactly how high the stakes still are for trans people speaking out. It's a hard turn, and Siren and Wendy don't rush past it. They sit with it, get angry together, and land on something clear: silence isn't neutral, and showing up matters. They close with a direct ask — vote, and use whatever voice you have.
The Rest of It
Because it's still Tongue First: Perrymenopause discourse, a wedding tattoo dedicated to a Noah Kahan song, a pazookie review, and a very serious debate about White People Taco Night.
Congratulations, Wendy and Jess.
---
Tongue First is a sapphic and queer podcast hosted by Aubrey "Siren" Jones and Wendy Reeves. New episodes every Monday. Find us at tonguefirstpodcast.com and support the show on Patreon at Tongue First: After Hours.
Follow the chaos on TikTok: @Sirenegade_440 @Wendy6181981
Until next time — stay curious, stay queer, and don't forget to lick responsibly.
Tongue First exists because of community.
If you’d like to help support the podcast while getting access to ad-free episodes, bonus episodes, behind-the-scenes content, early releases, exclusive hangouts, and extra queer chaos, consider joining us on Patreon.
Every bit of support helps us keep building this strange little corner of the internet together.